Reflecting on Divorce, Five Years Later

Photo by Jeff Fasano, 2022

Five years ago today, I got a divorce.

I didn’t even realize this until someone recently asked me how long ago it was, and I looked up the actual day in court records. 

Holy shit. Five whole years ago today, I started my life over. I rebuilt it from the ground up, and I did it the hard way. And I did it quietly.

But today I feel compelled to talk about it because I never really have. Today I feel overcome with emotion and feel the need to share because there’s probably someone out there who needs to hear this.

People gave me a hard time for choosing to walk away from my marriage fairly empty-handed, but like everything else in my life, I had to do it in my own way. I have this stubborn trait (maybe it’s the Taurus in me) where I always feel a strong urge to do things in a way that’s authentic to me. I have also found that my way is rarely the path of least resistance or the easy way out.

My divorce day isn’t something I’ve ever considered celebrating. It was a devastating day for me, and I mourned the death of that marriage like the death of a loved one. I also mourned the death of a person that no longer existed—me.

My divorce was something I buried, hoping people would just not take notice or care to ask. Like a whole decade of my life could become a blip on the radar (and over time, it has). It’s the reason I never changed my name back. It’s the reason I didn’t have a divorce party. It’s the reason I hid it from my parents for months and only told a select few of my friends until they figured it out on their own.

I hated the questions. The speculation. The perceived judgment. The shame I felt in failing. And mostly, I was tired of explaining the same thing to every person who innocently asked me the same questions on repeat. 

Every single time, it reopened a healing wound that had barely scabbed over before it was broken open again.

It took me a long time to heal and recalibrate from what I went through in my marriage, and it wasn’t until recently that talking about it didn’t cause my eyes to well up with tears.

I’ve learned in the past five years that being divorced doesn’t define me as a person, but it is an important part of my story. It’s made me who I am today. It’s one of the main reasons I travel so much. I found so much joy traveling when I was younger. But throughout the years of my marriage, I lost myself and my wanderlust. 

After my divorce, I made a promise to myself that I would see as much of this beautiful world as I possibly could, and I’d make sacrifices to do so. It’s the reason I now have this amazing travel business and feel so determined to help other people stretch themselves and do things that are outside of their comfort zones.

Travel healed the shit out of me. It saved my life in many ways.

Photo by Jessica Christie Photography in Guatapé, Colombia 2021

Walking away from my marriage was the hardest thing I ever did, but it was also the best decision I ever made for myself. I’m not ashamed of it anymore. I’m damn proud of my journey and where it’s led me. 

Maybe the old me really did die five years ago, and if so, it’s probably for the best. That person had no self-esteem, was unhappy, and had completely lost herself. That decision to get divorced also allowed me to be reborn and to rediscover who I am meant to be.

I’ve realized how life can be gone in an instant. Nothing is more important than your own happiness. If something no longer serves you, do something about it. Time is a precious gift that we shouldn’t waste. 

For anyone out there who is struggling or has struggled with an unhealthy relationship, just know that you’re not alone. There’s a lot of us out there. Some of us will only talk about it five years later when we’re healed. Some of us will never talk about it at all, and that’s okay too. But we’re still out here, silently cheering you on in solidarity.

Just know it will get better, whatever struggle you’re going through today. Five years from now, you too will look back at this tough moment in life and realize it was a blip in your journey and that these challenges you’re facing now are preparing you for better things ahead.

Time really does heal all wounds. Yes, once in a while the wounds get reopened. It might be from an innocent comment, a trigger, a song, or a smell. But the wounds also heal quicker as time passes.

Eventually—maybe in six months, or maybe in five years—you’re just left with a scar that you should wear proudly like a badge of honor. Because you survived one of the most difficult things your heart will ever have to endure, and that’s not something to bury—it’s something to celebrate.

Divorce isn’t the end of your life, and it’s not a death sentence. Is it hard and ugly and devastating and earth-shattering? Hell yes.

But it’s also an invitation to a fresh start. It’s a second chance to live again, to reinvent yourself and to start not only a new chapter, but a brand new book. A book with blank pages, your own beginning, and an ending that gets written by you instead of someone else.

So make it a best seller.